incipit vita nova

I Might Not Be Smarter Than a 5th Grader, But . . .

24

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Stephen King: The Sick Short Story

I am of so many minds about this, I cannot say.  I just read Stephen King's essay in the NY Times about the state of American short story writing.  He doesn't give a good report of its overall health, and he speaks from a position of knowledge, having edited the most recent volume of Best American Short Stories.

I'd like to thank him (not) for beginning his essay with a childlike trick:  "The American short story is alive and well," he writes.  Then, "Do you like the sound of that?  Me too.  I only wish it were true."

How many people would read the essay and comprehend the point, rather than puzzling over whether he thinks things are good or bad?  And as a "grabber," it's not the most grabby.  Let's say flaccid.  Feeble.  Nonspecific.

But reading on, he has a point, which is basically that short fiction is dying on the vine and drying up.  He was little-impressed by many of the stories he read during the year he edited the Best American Short Stories. He writes, 

"Last year, I read scores of stories that felt ... not quite dead on the page, I won’t go that far, but airless, somehow, and self-referring. These stories felt show-offy rather than entertaining, self-important rather than interesting, guarded and self-conscious rather than gloriously open, and worst of all, written for editors and teachers rather than for readers."

Ya think?  King ascribes this sitution to the "bottom shelf" factor, in which he describes his adventures in the bookstore searching for magazines containing short fiction -- all of which are shoved unceremoniously on the bottom row in the magazine rack.  After a paragraph and a half of "adventuresome troubles" in the magazine section including possible identification as a skirt-peeping creep -- he describes the real problem (can't find the magazines, no discount, their numbers have dwindled anyway). 

Talent will out, King concludes.  He is able to describe his desired literary experience:

"What I want to start with is something that comes at me full-bore, like a big, hot meteor screaming down from the Kansas sky. I want the ancient pleasure that probably goes back to the cave: to be blown clean out of myself for a while, as violently as a fighter pilot who pushes the eject button in his F-111."

That's his taste.  The essay ends by advertising the Best American Short Stories issue that he edited.  One would presume that the moral of the essay is that, even after slogging through piles of self-referential, lame MFA program writing, he did locate sufficient fiction satisfying his violent ejection seat urges to fill the book.

QED.  Thanks, Steve.  "Talent will out."  I spent the better part of 20 years learning to write my type of short fiction.  Man, I could have done it in a second if I had talent.

The truth for me is, I just got tired of writing for peanuts, with three people reading it.  I'll always write what I believe in. 

It may seem as though I loathe Stephen King.  I don't at all.  I read so much of his work and it spoiled me as a writer when I was young, because I didn't even vaguely get that "ejection seat" prose not only wasn't "me," it was only suitable for . . . er . . . I guess my opinion now is - not "analysis," but "advertisement."  And I haven't gotten too much out of those Best Short Story volumes for years and they weren't even too much good for teaching.  Since the students didn't like the stories.

PS I luv u:  "The ancient pleasure that . . . goes back to the cave . . . to be blown clean out of myself . . . as violently as the fighter pilot who pushes the eject button on his F-111."

I think this plot was featured on the GEICO Cavemen sitcom.  I knew it was an old plane, but I checked and found that following its launch in the 1960's, the F-111 was retired from active USAF service in 1998, ten years ago.

So, what can I say?  PS I luv u.  This must be some type of time travel or parallel universe reference.  Whee!

Borat: My Hero, RIP

My heart is shattered.  Today I read the news that Sacha Baron Cohen is retiring Borat.  Or, "he kill Borat.  Borat die now."

Meredith and I were watching Sweeney Todd and Sacha Baron Cohen appeared as Signor Pirelli.  "It's Borat!" we both said at once.

And last night I watched most of Borat the movie all at the same time (which I never have - I didn't go see it in the theater when it was first out).

Oh.  My.  God.

I was telling a friend that as ridiculous as Borat is, it makes an amazing point about "culture" and should inspire Americans to laugh at themselves.  I remembered that many people featured in Borat had sued because they didn't care for being made fun of in the movie -- mostly for falling for Borat's ridiculous persona.  It doesn't seem as though anybody's gotten too much from these lawsuits so far.  The most recent litigant is the unfortunate driving instructor, who says he only got paid $500 to give Borat his driving lesson.  Other litigants included the frat brothers from South Carolina, the Romanian villagers (Glod?  Glud? A really scary name) standing in for Kazakhs, and the Southern "manners" ladies.  I was surprised that the rodeo personnel didn't sue; I also read a story where an employee of the Jacksonville, Mississippi newstation ended up losing her job because her boss mistrusted her judgment.

After she booked Borat.

From Borat's wedding sack to the "Running of the Jews" to his toilet habits (let's not mention the "fight" over Pamela), he's disgusting. The two of them were very convincing in their belief that the Jewish bed & breakfast owners had "shapeshifted" into two roaches, which they showered with money before running away.

Disgusting!  Racist!  Sexist! Ignorant!  But everybody's so much better in America?  Well, they sued, didn't they?  When they didn't like how it came out in the end, and they saw how much money the film was making.

This movie portrays America.  And people really should look in the mirror before they go about casting stones.  I am not so sure Kazakhstan came out looking so much worse than America ("Gypsy, lend me your tears!").  Just because most people aren't quite as crazy as the various groups/types of people portrayed in the film doesn't mean that those people aren't out there -- and that between the lot of them, it's a pretty darn big group.  Bye, Borat.  I'll miss you.  I can't wait to see his next character Bruno, who is supposedly a flamboyantly gay Austrian fashion designer.  According to one of the apocryphyal websites, Kazakhstan's chief scientist is "Dr. Yarmulke," who has discovered that "brain of woman is same size as squirrel." 

Nicole Richie & Joel Madden Help Beyond Shelter Kids

Beautiful Nicole Richie showed that she is gorgeous inside and out by hosting a holiday party for Beyond Shelter kids this past Saturday at Paramount Studios.

Nicole and her boyfriend Joel Madden have started a foundation to help disadvantaged children.  I think this was their first project.  You can see how happy the kids are.  They really had a fantastic day.

This was so thoughtful, and with Nicole and Joel expecting their first baby soon, I can't think of any better way to start off their new life together than reaching out to kids who would never be able to experience the fantastic Christmases that Nicole describes she had as a little girl growing up (Nicole is the daughter of Lionel Richie, for the two or three people who don't know). Look how excited this gorgeous little girl is, visiting with Nicole and Joel.

The little girl and the other small children were so impressed with Santa and the reindeer and elves.  Some of the older children were a little more reserved.  But this was a special day, and it really came from Nicole and Joel's hearts.  I'm really glad they thought of Beyond Shelter and that the party was possible this year.

The Fire Gryphon - Chapter One

For the holiday, I am uploading the first chapter of the novel I am revising:  The Fire Gryphon.  I expect to be finished with revisions in a couple of months, and I hope - sooner.  This first chapter, however, is close to what I'd like.

Download Chapter1TheFireGryphon.pdf (124.7K)

It is the story of a marvelous Fire Gryphon and his master, a young, self-taught Conjurer, and their adventures with newfound friends aboard a great, magickal Terrapin, a living vessel who transports them all on a great journey to save the shining White City.

Sweeney Todd: Attend the Masterpiece

Tim Burton's new movie of the classic Stephen Sondheim musical Sweeney Todd is getting great reviews. But then, so is No Country For Old Men.  And No Country For Old Men isn't anywhere near as gruesome, bloody, subversive and disturbing as Sweeney Todd.

As a huge fan of the original Broadway musical (featuring Len Cariou and Angela Lansbury), I knew from the trailer that appearance and acting-wise, Johnny Depp would be perfect.  I wasn't sure about his singing, or if he'd have "help" as in some of the 60's film versions of Broadway shows, like My Fair Lady and West Side Story.

Well, his singing is great, and Helena Bonham Carter is a perfect Mrs. Lovett as well. 

Sweeney Todd was definitely Jacobean in its nature.  And this film sort of melds that tradition with Tim Burton's strong points.  It's visually odd in parts - especially the weird, thick, period glass windows through which bloody Sweeney tableaux are glimpsed.

But it's always been my favorite musical. This is a great film version that does justice to the talents of all involved.

It's bloody and beautiful and bloody beautiful.

Some girls were leaving because obviously they came to see Johnny Depp and they got Sweeney.  AAAAAHHHHHHH.

If you don't mind gore - go see it.  And I guess some people just don't "get" Stephen Sondheim, so if you're tonedeaf, or can only tolerate listening to Ryan Seacrest's Top 40 Countdown, I guess you won't like it either.

Sweeney Todd is not Captain Jack Sparrow.

Oh, what's the sound of the world out there?

Those crunching noises pervading the air . . .

It's Man devouring Man my dear,

And who are we to deny it in here?

Culture of Abuse: Shortcuts to Whole Foods!

This morning I woke up to read one of the enjoyable year-end roundups:  the top twenty money-losers of 2007 in the U.S.  From Britney Spears to Michael Vick, with CEO's sandwiched in-between, the list was capped by the homeowners of America -- such as myself.

I read with humor about the unfortunate escapades of Whole Foods' CEO John Mackey.  He lost money and credibility after it was discovered that for SEVEN YEARS he had personally posted unfavorable online messages on Yahoo's finance message boards about his company's competitor Wild Oats.  Posing under the online name "Rahodeb," which is an anagram of his wife's name, he praised his own haircut and trashed Wild Oats -- a company he hoped to purchase in a hostile takeover move.

Here's the happy chap.  So only a few minutes later, somebody sends me a link discussing the "dropouts" that had "made good."  A list of six!

Who's on it?  Why - the same John Mackey.

Yes, according to this report, Mackey dropped out of three different Texas colleges before starting the precursor to Whole Foods in an Austin, TX garage with his wife -- I'm guessing her name is "Deborah."

He's a Vegan and has been praised for his unique management approach and commitment to healthy foods and sustainable practices. I support all of these!

But seven years of trashing somebody else online under a pseudonym?  No, I do not support that.

So today's culture of abuse is "short cuts."  Every single person on the top twenty money-losers list is there because at best, they took short cuts.  Mr. Mackey is one of the more moderate offenders.  Cheaters (financially and personally) abound.  Heedless animal abusers like Michael Vick lead the list, and the CEO's responsible for the mortgage "bubble" and crisis, which was all about predatory and just-plain-dumb lending and greed, are close behind.  Then there's Marion Jones, stripped of her Olympic medals for steroid use, and headed for bankruptcy.  Soon, we'll hear about most of the player rosters for Major League Baseball joining her -- shame on you especially Roger Clemens -- everybody knew all those big guys were juicing up.

I just praised Richard Branson (a school dropout) for all he's accomplished and done.  There's no indication he's ever taken any shortcuts.  In and of itself, failing to complete school for another project or reason is not shameful or a shortcut.  Richard Branson, Bill Gates, and even "Rahodeb" Mackey had other projects that took their interest and they were highly successful with them.

But one key element of the Culture of Abuse is the thought that shortcuts that -- usually -- hurt others are not only good, they are necessary.  It creates an "anything goes" mentality.  "Thinking outside the box" and creativity and one thing.  Doing whatever one wants, regardless of others' rights or what is right to do, such as completing school (or finishing something one starts) is highly abusive.  Mackey did something so remarkably stupid and immature it's almost unbelievable.  All of his employees depended on him.  He'd built up a store and a brand that was respected and admired, and that presented high-quality, nutritious food in a sustainable way.  All of these were and are such important, positive things.  And the same "drop out" mentality came out in the low-level, cheating, penny-ante message board postings against a competitor under a thinly-disguised name.  And - oh yeah - his hair, too.

Side note:  One of the top money-losers on the list was Angelo Mozilo, CEO of Countrywide Mortgages, based in Calabasas (I thought they were in Ventura County in general - Thousand Oaks - oh, well).  Mr. Mozilo did lose money, and Countrywide has been in trouble just like all lenders.  But I know this company never sank to the level of the really awful subprime lenders that instigated the current crisis.  I won't say they are "victims," but they didn't cause this crisis.  They are just suffering for it, like all the rest of us.  Mr. Mozilo's personal story should be inspirational for everyone.  I am betting that he, and Countrywide, will weather this storm.  No "shortcuts" there.  Just hard work, vision, and the most positive of values.

Culture of Abuse: I Am Different

It's almost impossible to quantify the actual level of casual cruelty directed toward people who are "different" and evaluated subconsciously as "weak" by others.  People who are different and evaluated as "strong," of course, don't get nearly the amount of negative input.  For example, Sir Richard Branson the Virgin CEO, is very open about his learning disabilities.  He's made enough of a mark on the world that he certainly wouldn't experience the type of casual mockery a young, timid student might upon admitting he was having trouble reading -- or heaven forbid -- couldn't read.  And, even better -- he employs many people, he sets an example, he helps others, and he has a vision for the world.  That's "different" and "better."  Which still gets made fun of sometimes, but nobody like Richard Branson would care too much about that type of ridicule.  Even somebody like me would agree with him on that.

Different, better, helping the world - but you STILL don't look quite right?  Or, heaven forbid, you are disabled, especially in some way that prevents you from walking, and perhaps - even from speaking intelligibly or perhaps even from moving your arms or legs to any effect.  Well, gee -- like whom?  Oh, yes - Stephen Hawking.

My daughter told a joke about a mad driver trying to hit Stephen Hawking in his wheelchair the other day.  She imitated his speech, and after a bit, I realized - she didn't actually know who Stephen Hawking really was.  She thought he was a character on the Simpsons! (see picture at left).

I told her who he was, briefly, shared the importance of his ideas.  She wanted to know why he was in a wheelchair, and I said I thought it was Amylotrophic Lateral Sclerosis - which is also known as "Lou Gehrig's Disease" because the baseball great was stricken with it, which allowed people to understand the disease better and perhaps, acquire some empathy.  Empathy which is today nearly gone considering the Simpson's episode and the incredible proliferation of Stephen Hawking jokes!

In my last year of graduate school at Chapman, I became much closer to one of my fellow students, Julie Jones.  Julie was disabled similarly to Stephen Hawking (though not from the same cause, and had been wheelchair-bound since she was very young -- after breaking her leg at a later date, she was also bedridden for six months).  Julie was one of the few writers there to complete a novel-length manuscript, a wonderful story for young adults.  That's right -- it was hard for Julie to sit up, she ran out of strength many days, and she had to have breathing assistance as well as a motorized wheelchair -- and she did far more writing, and better writing, than most of the "able bodied" students of theoretically "sound mind."

One day I was in an interesting class -- the Oscar Wilde class with the absolutely most spectacularly best Ph.D. instructor of graduate English ever, Myron Yeager -- and sitting beside Julie.  She asked me to help her turn the pages of the thick, unwieldy Oscar Wilde book.  I proceeded to babble about all I was writing and publishing.  Babble babble babble.  Julie quietly listened and nodded and turned the pages of the book.

And in mid-babble, it dawned on me.  It's so easy for you.  You never gave walking, hiking, doing anything you wanted a moment's thought.  Not a second of any type of reflection.  You can stay up all night writing.  You can cram your body into an uncomfortable chair and read curled up like a turtle in the dark, and you've never had more than a moment's worry about how you'd do -- ANYTHING.

Why, I asked myself -- why would God have put such terrible things upon Julie, who was one of the kindest, best-hearted, brightest people I knew?  She surely did not deserve this.  Why not put those things on somebody . . . oh . . . like Scott Peterson instead? 

Julie wanted to know why I'd quit babbling.  I told her, "Tell me about what you are working on now?" and she did - before class got started.

She didn't know this story until after "To Kiss the Star" was published, and why I really dedicated the story to her.  Because I thought about "Why?" and the story was the answer.  I would like to say it was one of those that wrote themselves.  Well, nearly so.  I was able to go into the main character Mel's head easily.  And living in that space was one of the most difficult two-week periods of my life.

In the pain I've experienced since, I still do not think any of it could compare to the feelings of somebody trapped in a balky, resistant body from childhood or even birth -- yet with, as Rob Sawyer said about Mel, "a soaring mind."  I saw my own face like Mel's when she put the glasses on and saw what had happened to her face while she'd been blind.

And for anyone who feels that way -- I don't need to add what abuse, ridicule and denigration add to it.  The courage to "soar above" that is perhaps, the greatest courage I know of in the human condition.

Michael Jackson: Nooooo!

After attempting to recover from the sight of Michael Jackson's formerly handsome face covered by giant band-aids, and the closeup of his "nose," I realized -- his children look real again!  They're not disguised and they actually sort of resemble him.  No blond hair, no burkhas -- they look like normal little kids.

Maybe he really is their father.

I don't know whether to say "I hope so" or not.

Michael has done something awful to his face again.  I have to give him credit for not crawling in a hole and going out shopping with his kids.  But what it could be?  I don't know what the procedures are that would cause this type of thing (other than "far too many").  Maybe it is like what happened to Joan Van Ark.

Her lips and mouth look bruised.  So maybe that's what happened to Michael.

It's too late now for either of them -- both have been injured like people in fires or car accidents.  But I hope others will think twice before enduring cosmetic procedures because they think they'll recapture their lost youth, or be able to look like somebody else.  Our faces aren't made of Play-Doh.  We are not Mr. Potato Head and once the nose falls off, it won't ever look right with a "replacement."

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Traits

amoral/conscienceless authoritarian care only about appearances contemptuous critical of others cruel disappointing gift-givers don't recognize own feelings envious and competitive feel entitled flirtatious or seductive grandiose hard to have a good time with hate to live alone

hyper-sensitive to criticism impulsive lack sense of humor naive passive pessimistic religious secretive self-contradictory stingy strange work habits unusual eating habits weird sense of time

Joanna M. Ashmun has a very complete discussion of Narcissistic Personality Disorder on her web page to which I'll link again.  She says that pleading to the "better nature" of someone with this disorder is futile, because "Their moral intelligence is about at the level of a bright five- or six-year-old; the only rules they recognize are things that have been specifically required, permitted, prohibited, or disapproved of by authority figures they know personally."

She also points up how similar these traits are to those exhibited by normal six year-olds (which any mother would instantly know).  It's amazing.